Like a Sailor

My next door neighbor swears. She swears a lot. I'd say that 80% of all her utterances are curse words. Of course, with such a volume of obscenitites, it's difficult or (as in her case) quite impossible to string a coherent phrase together. When I first moved in I thought she had coprolalia, which is a manifestation of Tourette's Syndrome. However, I realized that she didn't swear at all when I spoke with her, so this probably wasn't the case.

I guess I wouldn't mind so much if she and her brood didn't sit on their front porch (about 6 feet from my bedroom window) and scream long monologues of obscenities at each other for hours on end (they're quite polite and never interrupt each other). I mean, I swear as much as the next guy, but this is just silly. Her kids can weave together such artful prose as to make a poet both marvel and blush.

I'm going to leave a bar of soap on their stoop tomorrow.